Outlook: Changing. To say the least

While I know I vowed to be more authentic in my blog, there is a private and reserved part of me that wants to keep certain details of my life private. But how authentic is that? Only talking about the pretty shit isn't REAL, it's not relatable, and more importantly it feels like lying on some level.

So I'll try to be brief and just vague enough as not to hurt those close to me. This is no gaurantee, and that's just the way the ball rolls.. roll with it.

To say that my relationship with my significant other has been rocky this past year would be an understatement. It's been a rollercoaster and a half. The ups have been enough to make your stomach flip in circles. The downs, well lets just say puking over the edge of a railing couldn't provide enough relief. It's been rough. But you know what? I've learned a hell of a lot. I'm terribly stubborn. I know this. It's not my strong point (at least, not typically). My backbone's only getting stronger, I know what I want, and I'm learning (consciously and slowly) to admit to my mistakes. I'm not perfect. I'm not always right. But I do know what's right for me.

Right now, the best thing we can do is put some space between us. There's been so much emotion involved it's only polluting the truth. Our love is real, but all of this petty bullshit- it's not. We need to take some time and learn what life might be like seperate. If it's harder out there than it is in here, so be it. We'll reunite. But we've got to stop ignoring the signs that we're doing things wrong. All wrong. It's time we take some action to right some of the wrongs in our relationship and our lives.

It sucks. Change sucks. Fear sucks. The idea of living in a new house with people I don't know is scary and it sucks. Being further from work, Zoo being home alone for my 9 hour work day sucks. Moving and sorting and trying to make sense of the tons and tons of STUFF I've accumulated over the last 22 years SUCKS.
But the most amazing thing is happening. I've been granted this amazing gift of calm. I'm absolutely certain it's going to be okay. It feels right (it IS right) and it's just another small bump in the road. Soon to be the past.

I'll look back on it fondly, probably forget all of the shit. I'll remember that someone really did love me, in a way I didn't ever have to question.
And we'll visit those memories and smile inside.

Tomorrow is a new day. Tonight, I forge ahead.

Just me and the Dude for now. I feel like that's okay.

This was after the Festival of Colors, hence the pink face.