Upon this glorious realization, comes the movement back into one of my oldest most-favorite pasttimes: crushing! Oh the joy of anticipating the idea of something "maybe" happening. The playful flirtation, the butterflies... All of it, I love! Never had the appreciation for the slow chase in the past, because I was seeking out the "relationship" in my mind long before it blossomed into anything in reality. Today, I remember to slow down and enjoy that anxious state of the unknown. The delicious idea of a first kiss, long before it comes to be. He's handsome and funny and sexy.. and I want some. But I think I'll take my time and let him stew over the idea of wanting some too. Yum. It's fun to think about! (I'm still mentally 12?)
On a different note, my best friend since the second grade is getting MARRIED! I couldn't be more happy for her. She is an amazing woman, and deserves every ounce of happiness in the world. Mike is a good man and treats her well. I hope he never forgets how lucky he is to have her!
With that comes thoughts of growing up. In the past couple of years, I have seen some of my closest friends reach great milestones in their lives. Marriages, children, graduations.. all big accomplishments that I am proud of! On the same token, there is a part of me that feels envious of their "external" progress. Here I am, working the same (albeit "good" job), nothing new to report. Not going so school, though I know that I should be. Not even really dating, let alone near marriage. Yep, I hang out at a bar 4-5 nights a week. I hang out with my dog. I play lots of xbox and scrabble on my phone. My room is messy. I sing in the shower. I have relentless bacne and chestne/brestne(can I make those into words?) as of late. That's me. How are YOU? haha.
Just odd to see where life takes us. I'm by no means complaining, but it's interesting to watch the progression and see how very little it has to do with age or circumstance. It's all about choice.
Despite all of that and being happy single (really). My big secret (that's not really a secret at all), is that all I've ever really wanted was to be a mom. I have faith that my baby with come in time, but only AFTER the healthy partnership and stability I feel my baby deserves. Could I do it alone? Sure, people do it all the time. But, so long as I have the choice, which I'm pretty sure still works these days, I'll wait. I'm lucky to have two baby girls in my life, they get me through the days when baby hunger strikes it's hardest. They help me remember that I will be a wonderful parent, one day.
No one ever reads this anyway, I don't know why I make my voice sound so formal.
Shitfuckassball!
There, that's better. haha. bye.
