“Write it down. Let all of the ugly out- and then burn it.”

Well, this is close enough.

I’m battling this angry demon. It wants me to lash out, to show the strength of my ugly and watch as it burns you with every whisper. I’m going to refrain. I’m going to bite my tongue so hard and taste the blood running down my throat. Raw and real: like these emotions. Why can’t you miss me for five fucking minutes? Why can’t you ever show any sign of weakness or giving a shit? Why don’t you stay true to your word? You said you wanted nothing more than to be my friend. You couldn’t imagine life without me being a part of it. What a fucked up and way to weasel out.

I want you to die. Really. If you did, I’d be okay with not hearing from you. It’d be okay for me to forgive you and let go and maybe even miss you. Right now, all I can think of is the many ways you make me sick. Terrible things I could say to you- wishing I could watch the shattered look on your face as I did. I want you to fucking cry. Cry until you are gasping for air and your whole body trembles. I’m not going to tell you these things. I’m not going to give you the satisfaction of knowing just how fucked up I am as a result of knowing you. I am not going to speak of how I regret every second of my life from the moment I met you. I regret everything. I’d rather be dead.

I’m going to trust that the next [poor sad pathetic] woman who comes into your life is ruthless. She’ll do all of this for me. She’ll tear down every bit of your self-worth, and spit it in your face. She’ll delight in manipulating you. She’ll be honest about how frustrating it is to have a man who can’t (and doesn’t really try) to perform in bed. She’ll tell you about her dwindling sex drive and due to lack of satisfaction. She’ll tell you you’re a selfish loser, too lazy to actually work for anything. Bad person, bad friend, liar, flake.. She’ll magnify it all. I hope you choke on it. I hope she humiliates you, and then walks away.