Friday was nice and relaxing. Went with Ma to stay in Syracuse for my Grandma's birthday. Saw the Soloist. Good movie, tugged on the compassionate heartstrings. Saw my Grandmother, at 65 in her poor health. She nearly died of exhaustion walking through the movie theater! Definitely made my brain tick, thinking about the polarities between her and my healthy clean-living Grams at 85. Lois, my mother's mother, has always been "crazy". She smoked cigarettes as long as I can remember, up until about 3 years ago when she finally kicked the habit. Makes me feel good, apparently I was a good motivator in helping her quit. (don't ask how, I'm back on the habit wagon now.) Either way, the years of abuse on her body, it's definitely caught up to her. She was/is a pain pill user too, among other things, I'm sure. Anyway, her sadness was heart wrenching. She was not a good mother for all of my mom's adolescence. Mom is pretty good about not saying bad things to her, but her siblings have always been vocal about keeping Grandma Lois at arms length, barring grudges and clinging to wounds (rightfully so) that are deep but very old. She said "I have to suffer everyday knowing that I wasn't a good mother, and now that I want to be I don't have the opportunity." Made my heart yearn to comfort her, and feel bad for not being closer to her throughout my life. When I mentioned that she should get out and walk the dogs, get some exercise.. fresh air, she commented on how she doesn't really care, she feels she has nothing to live for. It was pretty sad. I was glad to be there and see her smile on her birthday.
Saturday: Earth Jam and Christie's Birthday Celebration.
The weather was shit. Truly. Some rain, very cold. It was unfortunate for those who played at the fest, the turnout was less than desirable. The interaction of humans was limited. I didn't stay long. Met up with Christie as she napped in preparation of the evening and excitement ahead. Kim came and we left to Twi around 8. I was really excited, and feeling quite parched if you know what I mean. I got particularly cute, knowing my crushboy Stu would be arriving. He'd RSVP'd and everything! We had a beautiful cake, lots of loved ones. I even got her with the trickery candles.. muahahaha. As the night wore on I found myself longing for the fresh face, kind eyes, piercing smile of the Stu! Where was he? No say.
I met a lovely woman Jahanna from Jersey. She was crude and raunchy and we hit it off instantly. She kept calling me her future daughter-in-law, and even insisted that she call her handsome son from my phone so we could meet up. I already have my eye on someone, sure, but he was nowhere to be found. Why not? Alcohol is a factor in all of my wisest decisions! Son is already quite drunk, and the guy on the other end of the phone line sounds eerily like my brother. Not in vocal tone, but in conversation mannerism. People-pleasing drunk. Meh. I continued to become more intoxicated and tried to brush off the budding frustration and, shamefully, hurt I was feeling at being stood up by Stu. No courtesy call? Not cool. The party was fun, I was happy to see Christie so happy. We parted ways and she went to some hot tub gathering. This didn't sound gratifying to me, with the emotional mood I was in. I went home to Christie's, wrote some sappy emails and poetry. Climbed into her bed and dozed into a deep and dreamless intoxicated slumber.
Sunday: Earth Jam
Daddy's band was scheduled to play at 2:00 pm. It was 1:00 and I was still in bed. Shit! My car was still at the bar. I forced myself into my clothes and down the street. Christie, thankfully, lives nearby the park. Music's cool, people come and go. Lots of smiles, even some periodical sunshine. Jon O arrives and gifts me a Labcoat CD! :) YAY! Jahanna's son calls me, so I tell him to come to the park. I was right in thinking he was a lot like my brother. Way beyond comfortably so. And he's a cop. No thank you. He bounced out at some point when I trailed off to wander. I get my car back.
Lacoat plays. Fry Sauce plays. Good stuff.
Saturday: Earth Jam and Christie's Birthday Celebration.
The weather was shit. Truly. Some rain, very cold. It was unfortunate for those who played at the fest, the turnout was less than desirable. The interaction of humans was limited. I didn't stay long. Met up with Christie as she napped in preparation of the evening and excitement ahead. Kim came and we left to Twi around 8. I was really excited, and feeling quite parched if you know what I mean. I got particularly cute, knowing my crushboy Stu would be arriving. He'd RSVP'd and everything! We had a beautiful cake, lots of loved ones. I even got her with the trickery candles.. muahahaha. As the night wore on I found myself longing for the fresh face, kind eyes, piercing smile of the Stu! Where was he? No say.
I met a lovely woman Jahanna from Jersey. She was crude and raunchy and we hit it off instantly. She kept calling me her future daughter-in-law, and even insisted that she call her handsome son from my phone so we could meet up. I already have my eye on someone, sure, but he was nowhere to be found. Why not? Alcohol is a factor in all of my wisest decisions! Son is already quite drunk, and the guy on the other end of the phone line sounds eerily like my brother. Not in vocal tone, but in conversation mannerism. People-pleasing drunk. Meh. I continued to become more intoxicated and tried to brush off the budding frustration and, shamefully, hurt I was feeling at being stood up by Stu. No courtesy call? Not cool. The party was fun, I was happy to see Christie so happy. We parted ways and she went to some hot tub gathering. This didn't sound gratifying to me, with the emotional mood I was in. I went home to Christie's, wrote some sappy emails and poetry. Climbed into her bed and dozed into a deep and dreamless intoxicated slumber.
Sunday: Earth Jam
Daddy's band was scheduled to play at 2:00 pm. It was 1:00 and I was still in bed. Shit! My car was still at the bar. I forced myself into my clothes and down the street. Christie, thankfully, lives nearby the park. Music's cool, people come and go. Lots of smiles, even some periodical sunshine. Jon O arrives and gifts me a Labcoat CD! :) YAY! Jahanna's son calls me, so I tell him to come to the park. I was right in thinking he was a lot like my brother. Way beyond comfortably so. And he's a cop. No thank you. He bounced out at some point when I trailed off to wander. I get my car back.
Lacoat plays. Fry Sauce plays. Good stuff.I head to Daddy's for some eats and some puppy love. The pups always help. I was still feeling the sting of the stand up, trying not to over think it. Wondering if I should expect to be blown off for our pre-determined "date" on Monday. He texted me casually around 9, asking me to meet him for a drink. I declined, snubbing him for the blow off. He had a good excuse, even threw in an "I've been missing you.." Sigh. Okay, pains redeemed. It doesn't take much with me. I'm hoping to see him tonight, where I will express the importance of frankness. I don't care if you can't always do what you say you're going to, that's fine, I get in moods too. At least have the decency to shoot me a text letting me know. Plus, it was his loss. I looked hot that night. Wish me luck in the future, believe it or not, I really do like him. A lot.
i LOVED the trick candle trick! haha, thanks for getting me!
ReplyDeleteas much as i like the stu, and understand such longing for bearded, rough but doey-eyed cuteness, he is too flakey for you and i am over it! i will ever support you, but he's way past my last nerve. as far as i'm concerned, he BLEW IT! bummer, cuz i really liked the boy.
why the pic of camp?
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